The weekend was going pretty good, surprisingly so, I thought for our first Easter without Jess. Then I opened my Facebook.
There were pictures of my (I guess now former) son-in-law happily posing with his new girlfriend. Talk about a punch in the stomach! I realize I may have unwittingly gave him permission. Monday was his birthday and even though he's been phasing out of our life these past few months, I made him his favorite spaghetti dinner and brought it over to him with Jordan and Joy. We had also wanted to see his new puppy....or should I say new guard dog...it's part pit bull and already has quite a bite! My relationship with mean dogs is not a good one. I've been bitten once and cornered another time, so I won't be frequenting there too often. During our visit, we talked about the future and the dating subject came up. I said I understood if that was starting to happen and would never want him to feel he had to hide it. Ooops.
I had no idea he was already in a serious relationship. And they seem happy together from the pictures. Another time, down the road, I know I would be happy for him. But not this and not yet. We all think (the family here) that our girl deserved better, a little more time to be honored and that's just the way it is. No matter what the statistics say or grief counselors...that say this is common with men who were previously married....she deserved more.
He and I Facebooked (Webster is behind the times here)a bit, he and I. And he does love us. But ultimately, he's made his choice and will continue to do, that as we all do. Do I think he's ready and this will be a long and healthy relationship? No, not at all. But my prayers will go with them both. And our pain over this will ease in time.
He also brought over more of Jessica's stuff from her past. School papers, letters, cards and always, books! It was the books that made me cry the most. She loved Robin Gunn books and I was always looking for new ones for her. She loved all kinds of books, some deep and heavy, some light and romantic. We had the same taste in books which was fun. She would be so excited about the new Francine Rivers book that just came out! We'd be fighting over who would read it first :).
Anyways, in all this with Cory, I was thinking about all the choices that people make every day. We don't even realize how many we make. And how each one can affect the next. Small bad choices easily lead to bigger ones. Even in the littlest ways. We choose to stay up too late and our next day is not as productive cause we're lagging. Then we're playing catch up all week. We eat that second piece of pie....and well, you know where that leads! We choose what we listen to, what we watch, what we wear, one decision after the other and they all have consequences. Some things will build up our spirits, others will bring it down. Some choices will show others our salt and light, others will cause us to just blend in. Maybe we skip church here and there. Soon it gets easier and easier to sleep in. Next thing you know the voice of the Holy Spirit has gotten quieter and quieter and we're listening to our own reasoning instead.....in every area of life.. instead of God's word. How easy the trap is set when we don't make good choices. I feel bad that Cory had chosen to work out his grief without church and church support, without God, I'm supposing. I wish that all these choices wouldn't lead him to greater heartache down the road, but life without Jesus as Lord eventually does.
Right now, we're making choices here. To love, forgive, and pray, even when it hurts. And every day my first choice really needs to be to spend time with Jesus. Somehow when I do that, He feels invited to help me make all the rest of my choices for the day. Not that I always listen, but I'm working on it!