Monday, December 14, 2009

The First Week

What does grief look like after the funeral? I am sure it depends on many things, but for me right now, it is an emotional distancing from life. I cannot think about stores, or errands or socializing or my old life too much. It is not like I am thinking about Jessica every minute, but there is just such sadness in my soul. We were privileged to get a glimpse of the workings of eternity, but it feels like the veil has come down somewhat and I am left with memories of those events and scrambling to stay in the word, read the word, read the word. Do not despair, I tell myself, keep her close, imagine her life in heaven, know that she is thinking about you and those common passions you share will be shared again someday. I wonder, too, how to interact with others around me. Just because I am talking and maybe even laughing doesn't mean I'm okay or want to keep talking. I'm just not a fall apart all the time kind of person anyways.
I am glad for a large family. They are my comfort and I hope I can comfort them. Obviously, Jesus is the source for all our comfort, and I am completely trusting Him for it, even if it needs to be minute by minute.

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